Coming Home in Plum Village
How I found myself again in a beautiful Zen Buddhist tradition, after a long, long time.
Dear friends, it’s been a while.
It’s been a few weeks since I returned from Wake Up, the yearly retreat for young mindfulness practitioners at Plum Village.
Plum Village is an international practice centre near Bordeaux France, founded by Vietnamese peace activist, author, poet and Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh.
At this beautiful place, something inside me radically shifted. A shift that continues to permeate deeply throughout my life.
A shift of warmth and compassion towards myself.
Here’s a short story of personal transformation.
From Hard and Rigid
Arriving in a state of numbness, surrounded by dark turbulent clouds of distraction. Habitually running away from my feelings. From the present moment. Feeling no space to breathe. Driven by an inner critic, ready to strike myself after each mistake and each moment of peace.
For years I've been pushing myself to work harder, faster and better. Day in, day out. Waking up I felt stressed. Scared to ‘waste’ my time — embodied capitalism.
Forcing myself to meditate. To do yoga. To exercise. To write. To read. To learn. To work. To understand. Everything, but not to feel. Coming from a deep well of fear. The fear not to be seen. The fear that I don’t matter. The fear to die without leaving anything behind.
I've been instrumentalizing myself. Seeing myself as a means towards some regenerative end.
Through Vipassana and many other meditation practices, I tried to break free from the frozen sea of my inner world. Yet, sheer force did not help me come closer to my source, as it was coming from a place of self-hatred. Perhaps Vipassana was therefore so incredibly painful…
To Soft and Gentle
“If psychological work thins the clouds, spiritual work invokes the sun.”
It turns out that all this time I was looking for compassion. Compassion with myself. With the little wounded child in me. For most of my life I’ve only known the stick. The stick of inner violence.
Yet, in the light, warm and compassionate atmosphere of Plum Village I’ve found a softer and more gentle approach. To hold myself dearly in this present moment — present-centred healing.
“Man,
Born
Soft and Gentle,
Dies
Hard and Rigid.
Of the Myriad Things,
Plants are Born
Soft and Tender,
Die
Dry and Brittle.
The Hard and Rigid are
Companions of Death,
The Soft and Gentle
Companions of Life.
The Forceful Warrior
Meets with Defeat.
Strong Timber
Is cut for Weapons.
Strong and Great
Are Below,
Soft and Gentle
Above.”
Ecology of Compassionate Practices
Thich Nhat Hanh understood very well that it takes an entanglement of practices to help us live more harmonious, kind, gentle and compassionate lives.
Whether it’s through sitting, walking, working, eating, drinking, hugging, singing, rapping (!), the bell of mindfulness, noble silence, deep Listening or loving speech.
Any practice can be infused with the energy of mindfulness.
“Mindfulness is a kind of energy that we generate when we bring our mind back to our body and get in touch with what is going on in the present moment, within us and around us.”
The ever-present ecology of practices allows us to disrupt the habit energy of ourselves, our ancestors and society to act in mindful and embodied ways.
Embodied Mind in A MindFul Body
In Dutch we have a saying for people who act without thinking; a “Kip zonder kop” — a chicken without a head. Instead, for years I’ve felt like a “Kop zonder kip“ — a head without a chicken; someone who acts without feeling.
Thanks to the ecology of Zen practices by Plum Village and Thich Nhat Hanh, my body and mind are more in sync.
I feel like a whole being again. Noticing my breath. Realizing I have a body. Feeling alive. Being a whole “Kip” — an embodied mind in a mindful body.
Committed To Compassionate Regeneration
For years I’ve experienced life as something outside of myself. But I now know I am life. And life is me. This is the nature of interbeing.
I’m determined to continue the practice of looking and listening deeply to life (Zen). To listen to myself and other beings with compassion.
And weave practices of compassion into the regenerative movement.
I have arrived. I am Home.
Intellectually I've always known. Known that I'm enough. Known that I won't be happy in the future. But it was so hard for me to fully understand this with my whole being.
No more escaping to the past or future. The curtain of the present moment is opening up more and more. Finally, I feel whole. Alive. And at peace. With myself.
I have arrived. I am home.
It takes a Village
Every year, Plum Village welcomes thousands of people who come to experience the art of mindful communal living.
It is a home away from home, and a beautiful, nourishing, yet simple environment to cultivate compassionate awareness.
Come enjoy periods of silence, sitting meditation, rest, relaxation and mindful work and play.
This is it. For now.
There’s so much more to share about this experience, like the sweet re-connection with my inner child and re-discovering the joy of being alive. That’s for another time.
With compassion,
Tijn
Oh wow, this was a breath of fresh air to read. I had a very similar Vipassana experience and also wrote about it on Substack - it was coming from a place of self-punishment when I really needed self-compassion. It shook me for a while but also inspired me to go much deeper. Very glad you’ve found this path and place :)
Loved reading your journey - been eyeing plum village and a vipasana retreat for a while now! Thanks for the reminder on going on a compassionate regenerative journey. Is it really regenerative if it’s not compassionately anchored? 🙏🏾